Hello Hello, to the ghost that read my blog! PS I know no one does, thats probably why I suck at writing! Anyways just want to say Happy New Year and reflect a bit!
2018 was really great, I think I can def say it was my least depressed year since being a kid. I mean I will always be emo and cry at like everything but this year there was a lot less of that all. And its stupid to say its because of a boy but I mean it really has a lot to do with my boyfriend. The last few years were weird for us and we went though so much and half the time I was upset or sad because of our situations, but like we are officially together and have never been in a better place as a couple. I mean things are always a work in progress and I had some break downs and bad days over us but since may when we started dating so much is out of my paranoid and worried mind. SO THATS AWESOME!!
My family is great and I appreciate them so much, I guess its something you learn and grow as you get older but I wish so much I could go back in time and enjoy family time and show how much I love them and how much I know they do for me and just be a grateful kid because I was bratty a lot. Well not bratty but I didn't know how to control my emotions because of everything and just was easily annoyed and couldn't see past the moment I was in I guess.
Apparently over the last year I just gained a lot of clarity. Anyways I dont really have a plan or a thought process on this blog because I came here to write one about a new band I started to love this year, and am watching their music videos now! I need to get better at watching music videos and being creative.
THIS YEAR 2019 I NEED TO MAKE A MUSIC VIDEO! It is the year to do it!! I can't do it all on my own like I want a crew and such. I would really like a video creation group like how I used to have for work. Its so overwhelming to think of ideas, shoot them, be in them, and edit them. I say this all the time but like I like directing, maybe showing up a little, and then editing! I never wanted to do it all and just need a creative group that meets like once a week and makes a video at least a month or something. So that is def a goal too.
I will be getting a camera, I'm even thinking of going with a $400 one to just get going and then getting the one I want later. I know I say this all the time and write it here but no one reads or helps hold me accountable to follow though. Like I want to and I'm motivated but I wont get up and do something unless I have a set plan and whatever.
I want to commit and do its just hard on my own and I have a million excuses like living in a basement that I don't have recording space, or a living room to chill in or like I don't wake up because like my sleep is horrible and i keep trying to get on a better schedule but my brain and medicine don't like me to. But its all something I'm aware of and want to fix. There is so much and so many steps and I have support of family, friends, and my boyfriend but like I need a partner to do all this with and yeah my boyfriend in most of it but I need a creative counterpart!
blah blah blah blah blah
this blog really sucks. I think I need to take my time when I'm not at work to go though all this and make a video for you all!
BUT 2019 is the year for changes. Last year was great but not much got done, I didnt do too many new things, I didnt see too many of my friends. It was good but I need to take the mental wellness of this year and being happy with family and my boyfriend and combine that with years before when I made videos all the time (i mean i got paid to and it was my job so that made it easier) so maybe find another job like that or turn it into a side one or a social thing. I want to create create create abut also find new things, drink less because bars are boring and drunking isnt really fun any more, go back to finding new things and events and being the social lil bat I am.
anyways im stopping now because this is just a mess of thoughts.
ha 2018 good, 2019 lets do even better!
2018 was really great, I think I can def say it was my least depressed year since being a kid. I mean I will always be emo and cry at like everything but this year there was a lot less of that all. And its stupid to say its because of a boy but I mean it really has a lot to do with my boyfriend. The last few years were weird for us and we went though so much and half the time I was upset or sad because of our situations, but like we are officially together and have never been in a better place as a couple. I mean things are always a work in progress and I had some break downs and bad days over us but since may when we started dating so much is out of my paranoid and worried mind. SO THATS AWESOME!!
My family is great and I appreciate them so much, I guess its something you learn and grow as you get older but I wish so much I could go back in time and enjoy family time and show how much I love them and how much I know they do for me and just be a grateful kid because I was bratty a lot. Well not bratty but I didn't know how to control my emotions because of everything and just was easily annoyed and couldn't see past the moment I was in I guess.
Apparently over the last year I just gained a lot of clarity. Anyways I dont really have a plan or a thought process on this blog because I came here to write one about a new band I started to love this year, and am watching their music videos now! I need to get better at watching music videos and being creative.
THIS YEAR 2019 I NEED TO MAKE A MUSIC VIDEO! It is the year to do it!! I can't do it all on my own like I want a crew and such. I would really like a video creation group like how I used to have for work. Its so overwhelming to think of ideas, shoot them, be in them, and edit them. I say this all the time but like I like directing, maybe showing up a little, and then editing! I never wanted to do it all and just need a creative group that meets like once a week and makes a video at least a month or something. So that is def a goal too.
I will be getting a camera, I'm even thinking of going with a $400 one to just get going and then getting the one I want later. I know I say this all the time and write it here but no one reads or helps hold me accountable to follow though. Like I want to and I'm motivated but I wont get up and do something unless I have a set plan and whatever.
I want to commit and do its just hard on my own and I have a million excuses like living in a basement that I don't have recording space, or a living room to chill in or like I don't wake up because like my sleep is horrible and i keep trying to get on a better schedule but my brain and medicine don't like me to. But its all something I'm aware of and want to fix. There is so much and so many steps and I have support of family, friends, and my boyfriend but like I need a partner to do all this with and yeah my boyfriend in most of it but I need a creative counterpart!
blah blah blah blah blah
this blog really sucks. I think I need to take my time when I'm not at work to go though all this and make a video for you all!
BUT 2019 is the year for changes. Last year was great but not much got done, I didnt do too many new things, I didnt see too many of my friends. It was good but I need to take the mental wellness of this year and being happy with family and my boyfriend and combine that with years before when I made videos all the time (i mean i got paid to and it was my job so that made it easier) so maybe find another job like that or turn it into a side one or a social thing. I want to create create create abut also find new things, drink less because bars are boring and drunking isnt really fun any more, go back to finding new things and events and being the social lil bat I am.
anyways im stopping now because this is just a mess of thoughts.
ha 2018 good, 2019 lets do even better!
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